5/1/03/ i love sesshoumaru.

sesshoumaru is loovely. i do not care if he is a demon cartoon character. i love him.

why the headache's name is phil, i do not know.

i should have been packing, but i have been online all afternoon. i'm so tense; knashing my teeth and digging my fingernails into my palms and trying to prevent my throat from closing up with pure, nasty hatred for HIM.

so i stole this questionnaire from niz, who in turn had stolen it from someone else, and filled it out. meh.

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1) First Grade Teacher: ummm... mrs....hufstetler? i cannae remember... some H name... she always had pinched lips and looked very mean. i don't remember anything else about her because of suppressed memories.
2) Last words you said: "muh-MEEEEEEEE!!!" standing in the kitchen making soy dogs... squealing at my mummy in excitement.
3) Last song you sang: ummm... hmmm... the one... i think it's STP... 'we can live beside the ocean, leave the fire behind, swim out past the breakers, and watch the world die'... god that's a good song.
4) Last person you hugged: ummmm.... i think i hugged my mummy a couple of days ago? and i hugged pete this afternoon when i thought about having to leave him. )`:
5) Last thing you laughed at: when i typed about squealing at my mummy. ^_^ i amuse myself too much. oh.. and chair. i laughed at him on AIM.
6) Last time you said 'I love you': can't remember. oh! i know. i told fidel on deviantart that i loved him because of a doodle page he did.
7) Last time you cried: hee.. when i was hugging muh petey... poor old shitass, it's hard to think about living without him! **cries**
8) What's in your CD player: parachutes by coldplay in my boombox, thanks for the ether by raspy in my walkman.
9) What colour socks are you wearing: red and white stripey halloween costume socks... they're so old, they're almost threadbare... HOW I LOVES THEM.
10) What's under your bed: a gorgeous old record player that i WILL set up in my new apartment so that i can play my beatles records... a stepper exercise thingy... shoes and shoes... probably some soda cans.
11) What time did you wake up today: about five... had to peeee. but then i went to sleep again until about six-thirty.
12) Current taste: diet mountain dew, cherry dumdum. dumdumdumdumdum.
13) Current hair: long and black and actually brushed for once. sometimes i don't brush my hair for days, and it starts to get all matted. ^_^ i am a good hobo. my blonde roots are sparkling. yuck.
14) Current clothes: a warning-orange halloween shirt with a pile of jack-o-lanterns, a moon, and TRICK OR TREAT! on it. (i love halloween so goddamned much.) my nearly-army-but-not-quite green man pants, the stripey socks, my eight year old pair of black seude platform sneakers.
15) Current annoyance: that fucking chihuahua my idiot father brought home. my shoulders. being fat.
16) Current longing: chocolate and atlanta. and marilyn's new album. i don't recall ever having 'longed' after an actual person...
17) Current desktop picture: marilyn is a dirty whore! YAY.
18) Current worry: my broken molar. being fat. having to get rid of some of my stuff so's i can move next saturday. the quiz for my online medical law class due at midnight.
19) Current hate: the father-ogre. his dogs. being fat.
20) Story behind your username: i didn't know that deadish was a real word when i chose it... i was actually thinking of einstein's theory of relativity, and a watch i'd once seen... it had einstein's face in the center, and the hours were marked 'oneish, twoish, threeish, etc.'... death is relative, get it? X_X
21) Current favourite article of clothing: ummm the zim shirt i altered to look goth-snazzy. this trick or treat shirt. always, my green pants.
22) Favourite physical feature of the opposite sex: um? i've always really liked distinctive noses. the urve of the jaw right in front of the ear. the lower lip.
23) Last CD that you bought: apollo 18 by they might be giants, haunted by poe, irresistable bliss by soul coughing, all at once.
24) Favourite place to be: umm.. none. dragoncon. ^_^
25) Least favourite place to be: this house! southern georgia! fuck it all.
26) Time you wake up in the morning: usually, six-thirty, sevenish. skoooool is evillle.
27) If you could play an instrument, what would it be: the cello, of course! such beautiful things they are.
28) Favourite color: #bb2f2f. #e7e7e7. and cerulean blue, too. yay.
29) Do you believe in an afterlife: i hope i get to be a ghostie. then i could do whatever and go wherever i wanted. and scare people.
30) How tall are you: 5'10". 6'3" on a good day.
31) Current favourite word/saying: 'but if there's one thing i love more than that, it's STABBIN' HEADS!' 'SCHPIdah'
32) Favourite book: oh no! umm... my new sketch book! it is delicioussss.
33) Favourite season: weenter. good and cold. get to wear stuff that covers up every bit of my ugly flesh.
34) One person from the past you wish you could go back and talk to: emily dickenson, or edna st. vincent millay! yes. i am just like them.
35) Favourite day: meh.
36) Where do you want to go: atlanta. ireland. the wonka choklit factory.
37) What is your career going to be like: i'm going to sit in a room full of computers and type up reports about dead people and cutting people up! YAY! and when i get home, i will make dolls and every other kind of art i can come up with.
39) What kind of car will you have: an old hearse! i've ALWAYS wanted a hearse. i will shine it and put pretty lace curtains in the back.
40) Type a line you remember from any book: in the real world, vacuum cleaners kill spiders.
41) A random lyric: i was working all night in my office/ when a man i had recently killed/ called me up from a phone near my building/ so i looked out the window at him/ he had the same obsequious manner/ that was the reason i had him killed/ so to calm my nerves i sang this song/ to him, over the phone/ turn around, turn around/ there's a thing there that can be found/ turn around, turn around/ it's a human skull on the ground/ human skull on the ground/turn around/ i was out by myself in the graveyard/ i was doing an interpretive dance/ when i felt something heavy and pointed/ strike me in the back of my neck/ and then the ghost of my dance instructor/ pushed me down into an open grave/ and as dirt rained down she played a xylophone/ and sang me this song/ turn around, turn around/ there's a thing there that can be found/ turn around, turn around/ it's a human skull in the ground/ human skull on the ground/ turn around/ we were waving our arms out the window/ of a fast-moving passenger train/ acting in an irresponsible fashion/ until the engineer whose back had been turned/ and who we thought would find us highly amusing/ quickly swiveled his head around/and his face which was a paper-white mask of evil/ sang us this song/ turn around, turn around/ there's a thing there that can be found/ turn around, turn around/ it's a human skull in the ground/ human skull on the ground/ turn around
42) Identify some things surrounding your computer: my clay nny figure, lots of tiny trick or treat jack-o-lanterns filled with pins and hairclips and stickers and beads and such, naked barbies, painted dollies, little books, comic books, text books, packing tape, CRAP.

i actually am feeling rather badly. saturday i will feel better.

1:11 a.m. E
kat*~